Sex. What a broad fucking topic, right? What is it? When to do it? How to do it? Where to do it? Who to do it with? These are the fundamcondomental questions of life, people! Something that started as a primal instinct to reproduce became a vital pleasure in our lives. Then why does it always make them so complicated!?

I mean virgins… As a virgin, you’re either idolized or shunned. It’s like you’re a saint, so pure, so innocent, so naif. Or you’re a prude, so stuck up, so shy, such a tease. I mean when do you know when to give up “your most precious gift”? First chance? First love? First marriage?

And how the HELL do you know what you’re doing? What’s this? What’s that? Is this okay? Does that hurt? I don’t know what to tell you boys and girls, but sex is a science.

And anyway, what’s sex? Home plate? Third base? Short stop? It’s supposed to be hot, and sexy, and maybe even romantic, if you want, but for some reason you always end up doing the nasty in a park at 4 in the morning against a tree, with a bottle of Tequila in your hand, and all you’re left with the next morning is a hangover and a serious case of rug burn.

And then the mushy gushy emotional baggage that comes in two overweight duffel bags and an extra carry on. Now that is where everything gets really complicated. Between the self conscious slut who fucks guys to feel wanted, and the over confident player who fucks any moving female, there’s always someone who gets hurt. So just take a step back, and think about it, it’s not as big a deal as those cheesy soap operas make it out to be. The first time isn’t going to be romantic and beautiful. You’re not gonna want to write poetry about making love for the first time. It’s gonna be awkward, and messy, and scary. But after that, you just enjoy the ride, no pun intended.

Here’s my philosophy: In the wise words of Nike, Just Do It. Doesn’t matter if it sucks, or if it’s disgusting, the truth is, you’re gonna have some bad times, and you’re gonna have some good ones. So go out there kids and fuck!

I’ll leave you at that,

Laura Marianne

“Sex. Yes well Sex. What do you say about sex really. You like a guy… you do it with him… sometimes he calls, sometimes he doesn’t.”

– Anita Olesky, Never Been Kissed (1999)

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Slut. Skank. Whore. Absinthe. Mini dress. Thigh high boots. Silver lipstick. Bare back. Trashy.Drugs and Alcohol

Let’s go crazy, let’s be free. Do what you want, because that’s all that really matters anyway. Why care about everyone else? They have their own lives to worry about. And you have yours, and I have mine. The big city is my destiny. New York. London. Paris.But not San Francisco. This town is just too homosexual. I need myself some bright lights and long nights. Shine those LED club lights in my eyes, and blind me for minutes at a time. Let’s catch up with some old friends, Jose, Johnny, and Jim. And maybe flirt with some new ones.

Sleepless nights are always my favorites. I hope and wish to wake up with an ear splitting headache because then I know I’ve done my best. Remembering the previous nights or not is always the biggest challenge. We get to go back through the adventure of the rampant night. The sweet alcohol breath kiss, the Urban Decay Asphyxia eyeshadow melting down my cheeks, the vintage slip falling off my shoulder, and the runs in my brand new Ralph Lauren sheer stockings. There’s something romantic about trashy, forgetful nights.

Contemplate that druggies,

Laura Marianne

“Las Vegas looks the way you’d imagine heaven must look at night”

– Chuck Palahniuk (American fiction novelist and freelance journalist)

Hi,

I’m Laura and I’ll be your attendant during this crazy flight called life. I’ll attempt to decipher the hieroglyphics of love, follow the yellow brick road to happiness, and uncover the placebo for the common woes so many of us are diagnosed with. Aboard, you will receive complimentary criticism, with a side of sarcasm, and if you wish, for $5 more, you may purchase some sympathy (choice of red or white) to drown your sorrows. There are two exits at adolescence, two during marriage, and one at death. In case of emergency, look to yourself because no one else knows what the hell we’re doing here. If you have any answers, don’t hesitate on interpreting them your own way.

Sincerely,

Give us a smile, love

Laura Marianne

“It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question.”

– Eugene Ionesco (1909 – 1994)