When you know that the end is near, how do you react? Do you act differently knowing that everything will cease to matter in a few months? For example, when given a life sentence, whether it’s stage IV cancer or the death penalty, do you crawl into your corner waiting for the grim reaper? Or do you go out and surround yourself with anyone and anything that matters most? Do you try to fix all the harm that you have ever caused? Or do you live to the fullest not taking anyone else into account because soon enough you won’t be able to?

That got me thinking, I’ll soon be leaving this city called GAY. Whether it’s to listen to small indie rock bands and tortured poets in Seattle, to play beer pong and say “like” ever three words in Santa Cruz,  or to live and breathe coffee and cigarettes in London, I’ll be more or less away from here. So do I spend my last few months with the same three friends I’ve spent my last four years with? Or do I follow what my heart really wants and do things that I never would have before? Do I keep ignoring those few people that have plagued my high school career? Or do I search for redemption and acceptance leaving this place a fraction of a better person? Do I yell “Carpe diem” or whisper “forgive me father for I have sinned”?

Hippies lived their lives on drugs, content to be peaceful, and most of all, free of all worries.

Hippies lived their lives on drugs, content to be peaceful, and most of all, free of all worries.

Holding a grudge takes an enormously huge amount of effort, every day one has to remember and remind himself why he is angry and who he is angry towards. On the other hand, forgiving and accepting is extremely difficult as well, one must put behind the past and believe in change. And if you think about it, isn’t that what we all truly wish for?

But on the other hand, who matters more than oneself? Why would one intertwine and confuse himself in the tangled cool web of relationships and emotions. Why not wear those floral leggings you’ve always wanted to wear, but never had the guts to, afraid of what your friends would think? Or actually do your all of your homework one night because you want to go to a good university, but was always too lazy and pressured by your friends to not give a flying shit?

All in all, what is the recipe to happiness? Do we need the vital component of friendship and love? Or do we necessitate the clichéd self-acceptance and inner happiness?

And at that, I’m off to philosophy class,

Laura Marianne

“And you can tell Rolling Stone magazine that my last words were… I’m on drugs!”

– Russell Hammond, Almost Famous (2000)