What do you do when you hit rock bottom? When you truly have nothing else to hope for? Hope has gone out the window to follow Pain and Despair as it refuses to stay inside Pandora’s box any longer.

Every year at my birthday when the time comes to blow out my candles, I wish for the same thing. Happiness. And every year at my birthday when the time comes to blow out my candles, I realize, that my wish has yet to come true. Granted, I’ve had moments or pleasure, of sporadic happiness, but I’ve never felt a moment of genuine happiness, that I could just die at that moment and I would feel like my life would have been complete. Is that so much to ask for? I’m not asking for a pet rhinoceros or to be pretty because God only knows how that those are never going to happen. I just want everything to fit into place. I’m jealous of everyone who seems to have it together. That’s all I want… That’s all I really want.

It’s almost springtime right? Flowers are blooming, birds are singing, it’s supposed to be the happiest time of year. Yet, for some reason there’s always something wrong. Why is it that no one can truly have it all? Why can’t we all just find the perfect outfit, perfect man, perfect job, perfect family, perfect friends, and perfect life, according to our own demands? Is it really that much to ask for? Some people seem to have it all, while other seem to have nothing. Yet even these people, who have all the ingredients to happiness, don’t know what to do with them. They know others are so much worse off than them. So they live lives of quiet desperation, pretending everything is just fine. When nothing really is.

Valentine’s day is coming up, and instead of hoping and wishing to find Mr. Right now, I’ve given up. Is that normal? I see boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands and wives, happy as clams, and I just want to hurl. Pink makes me blind and dressing up in the morning seems pointless. Is it normal to be this cynical at such a young age?

From young adolescents, to middle aged housewives, to old tenure professors, none of us can be cured of this sickness. Is it so hard just to ask to be happy?

Confused at the bottom,

Laura Marianne

“It’s sad but it’s true how society says / Her life is already over / There’s nothing to do and there’s nothing to say /Til the man of her dreams comes along picks her up and puts her over his shoulder / It seems so unlikely in this day and age.”

Lily Allen, “22” It’s Not Me, It’s You (2009)