I fell upon this really interesting music video by Oren Lavie called “Her Morning Elegance”:

Then it got me thinking about dreams. We dream every night. Every night is a new adventure, and every morning is back to reality. I’ve been dreaming, and remembering my dreams, quite frequently lately. Simple, quiet, calm dreams sometimes buoy into the ocean of turbulent, disruptive, troubled nightmares. Most of my dreams consist of normal everyday scenarios scarred with a surreal event that I know is impossible but yet still feels real.

I wish we could control our dreams. If I could, I would only dream simple easy dreams, where everything seems right, and everything is effortless. You don’t have to think about getting in trouble, or getting hurt. You just are. Like the girl in the video.

We dream to escape what we live. I wish my subconscious knew what was right for my head, because I can’t keep dreaming of lions and tigers and bears. I wish I lived in a parallel universe of white clouds, blue sky and crisp sheets.What a naïve girl, you must think of me. But if it’s what I really want, I can dream, can’t I?

Yours truly,

Laura Marianne

“Make every thought, every fact, that comes into your mind pay you a profit. Make it work and produce for you. Think of things not as they are but as they might be. Don’t merely dream – but create!”
– Robert Collier (1885 -1950)

What do you do when you hit rock bottom? When you truly have nothing else to hope for? Hope has gone out the window to follow Pain and Despair as it refuses to stay inside Pandora’s box any longer.

Every year at my birthday when the time comes to blow out my candles, I wish for the same thing. Happiness. And every year at my birthday when the time comes to blow out my candles, I realize, that my wish has yet to come true. Granted, I’ve had moments or pleasure, of sporadic happiness, but I’ve never felt a moment of genuine happiness, that I could just die at that moment and I would feel like my life would have been complete. Is that so much to ask for? I’m not asking for a pet rhinoceros or to be pretty because God only knows how that those are never going to happen. I just want everything to fit into place. I’m jealous of everyone who seems to have it together. That’s all I want… That’s all I really want.

It’s almost springtime right? Flowers are blooming, birds are singing, it’s supposed to be the happiest time of year. Yet, for some reason there’s always something wrong. Why is it that no one can truly have it all? Why can’t we all just find the perfect outfit, perfect man, perfect job, perfect family, perfect friends, and perfect life, according to our own demands? Is it really that much to ask for? Some people seem to have it all, while other seem to have nothing. Yet even these people, who have all the ingredients to happiness, don’t know what to do with them. They know others are so much worse off than them. So they live lives of quiet desperation, pretending everything is just fine. When nothing really is.

Valentine’s day is coming up, and instead of hoping and wishing to find Mr. Right now, I’ve given up. Is that normal? I see boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands and wives, happy as clams, and I just want to hurl. Pink makes me blind and dressing up in the morning seems pointless. Is it normal to be this cynical at such a young age?

From young adolescents, to middle aged housewives, to old tenure professors, none of us can be cured of this sickness. Is it so hard just to ask to be happy?

Confused at the bottom,

Laura Marianne

“It’s sad but it’s true how society says / Her life is already over / There’s nothing to do and there’s nothing to say /Til the man of her dreams comes along picks her up and puts her over his shoulder / It seems so unlikely in this day and age.”

Lily Allen, “22” It’s Not Me, It’s You (2009)